Little Love Letter
by Psycho gurl
Summary: Cyanide goes to visit Skids one day but he isn't home, so he leaves him a note instead, explaining everything. However, it is never to be spoken of unless Skids' feelings are returned. But what if Collin and Fox get their hands on it first...? *WiP*
1. My little messenger

Disclaimers: It doesn't belong to me *sob* if it did those two would be screwing already…

Notes: Cyanide and Skids, Fox and Collin. Told from Cyanide's and Fox's points of view…

/thoughts/

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point of view change

~*Little Love Letter*~

            I sighed as I sat around my room doing nothing in particular. I was starting to understand how Skids must have felt when we all started drifting away from him…although the loud noises from downstairs were keeping me from really understanding the silence he must have lived through. I really never knew silence all that well…

            Thinking of Skids, I figured now would be as good a time as ever to go visit, just for the heck of it. I mean, I was bored and lonely, and Skids was always talking about how lonely he was…right? I was sure he wouldn't mind if I went over there to visit. I was sure I could keep myself under control so long as nothing…well, happened, duh.

            Sitting up I grabbed my bag, unzipping it to glance at the small array of items inside. I probably wouldn't need any of them, Skids and I could keep ourselves entertained fairly well, but you never knew. Knowing my luck he might not even be there…I seemed to be running rather short of it recently.

            "I'm heading out for a while!" I screamed as I opened the front door, trying to be heard over the yells coming from the other room. Couldn't they be quiet for at least ten minutes? It wasn't any help that I couldn't find where mother was hiding, and chances were she wanted it that way. It was probably for the best anyway, I didn't want to take a group of them with me.

            "Where are you going?" one of my sisters asked, appearing next to me without warning. Sighing I pushed Juancho away from the door with my foot, rolling my eyes. Why was my life so cursed? I hadn't done anything to Harley's landlady worthy of punishment such as THIS…I must have been really annoying in my past life.

            "To see a friend," I managed as I once again blocked the ferret's passage out the doorway. The thing was smarter than I was, I'd give it that much. Running away after only spending a few years here, quite intelligent. "No, you can't go along. My friends are normal," I interrupted as she opened her mouth again and she shut it right away, glaring at me. "Later." And I was gone, glad to be away from the chaos that was my house…

            Taking a deep breath I raised a hand to knock on Skids' door, wanting nothing more than to see him and let his presence erase the insecurities I'd been feeling recently. When I'm alone it's difficult, every moment I can't understand what I feel for him, when he's with someone else it's scary…overwhelming even, the jealousy I feel. But when I'm with him…it's just there, and I couldn't care less what it means. Whether I love him, or if I'm just confused…it doesn't really matter anymore. It's still there, and I'm still aware of it, but so long as he's around there are no more questions attached to it.

            "Come on, you did this before you started seeing Ronnie, why is it so different now?" I scolded myself, hoping no one would hear me. I was being stupid, there was nothing different about today than yesterday, or the day before that, or…wow, how long had it been since I'd just stopped by. It seemed like forever…maybe that's why I was afraid. Maybe he'd found himself a boyfriend…girlfriend…just another best friend, that he didn't feel the need to tell his 'old friend' Cyanide Torres about.

            /You get stupider as the seconds pass by, just knock already, dammit./ Sighing I knocked on the door softly. I couldn't hear anything inside, so I figured I didn't have to be very loud. However, after several tries I was still unsuccessful in catching his attention…either that or he wasn't home. Damn, curse my ever-decreasing luck…

            For a few seconds my mind wondered at the possibility of him being over at a friend's house—maybe even this friend I was freaking out about earlier—but it just didn't seem likely. I was sure I would look like an idiot if I camped out and waited for him to return, so instead I leaned against the wall and pulled a simple notebook out, deciding to write him a note so he knew that I had put forth the effort to drop by. Maybe then he might remember his old friend again.

            A half minute later and some absolute BS I tore the page out, starting the first fold. However…sighing again I opened it back up, staring at the almost-blank little piece of paper. It would be so easy to tell the unmoving, unthinking, incapable-of-judging little piece of paper everything, to let it be my little messenger to Skids.

/Shit! Don't think about it that way! You're making yourself nervous again!/ I screamed at myself, chewing on the end of my pen as I waited to see if I could go through with this. I didn't want to ruin everything…but I wasn't sure how much longer I could take this shit. I was going crazy! If I just didn't think about the fact that Skids was going to be reading this, I was sure I could manage.

            Quickly I scribbled everything down, from the first time I'd kissed him to the way I'd felt to…well, how I was feeling today. I was surprised how little room it actually took, and the fact that I wasn't about to run screaming as I finished it, signing my name again, carefully. However, I was once again hit with a wave of concern that Skids might not want to hang out with me anymore if he read this, so I once again took to writing.

            ~Please, if you don't like me…don't bring this up, alright? I mean…it won't be any different than normal, right? I've liked you for a while now and you never noticed, so…I just don't want to lose my best friend~ And with that I shoved the cap back onto my pen, shoving it in my bag and folding the paper in half quickly. Sliding it under the door I grabbed my things, ready to leave and hopefully find something else to do before going home. I swore as my backpack unzipped itself, successfully dropping everything to scatter across the floor without a care.

            "Why me! What did I do to you?" I demanded, almost expecting to be ambushed from behind by Freaky Goth-Chick. Today was just NOT turning out to be one of my days…I couldn't even REMEMBER when I'd had my last 'my day!'

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            "This guy looks almost as fun to torture as hat-boy," Collin offered with an evil smile, leaning against the wall and waiting. He wasn't about to let the day slip past him just because that pointy-haired guy was there…I didn't feel the need to remember his name at the moment. "Wonder if we could make hat-boy suffer more by torturing his friend," he offered with a genuinely evil smile, contemplating the idea.

            "I thought you were torturing him to make the other guy's life miserable." Collin shrugged and looked around the corner again.

            "If we torture his friend then hat-boy'll be miserable and THEN Harley, or whatever his name is, would be miserable." Really, couldn't we just stick to harassing one of them? That was more than enough for me. I would personally MUCH rather be back at the dorm 'courting' Collin…or whatever fancy word he had used to call it. 'Dating' was a perfectly fine word he did realize, why couldn't he use it?

            "Or, we could just keep on messing with hat-boy's head so we can go back and I can resume trying to convince you tha…"

            "I am not letting you cover me in lime jello so you can lick it off," he offered coldly and I smiled, leaning closer to him. I was well aware of my 'restrictions,' and I followed them as best as I could. How else could you explain the fact that I didn't actually have any jello in my backpack? It was still sitting in the fridge.

            "How about the other way around, then?" Collin blushed and pushed me away harshly, returning to his diligent watch. He was so cute when he blushed; although it was kind of scary when you remembered it was Collin you were considering 'cute.' "I'll take that as a yes."

            "Take it how you want, doesn't mean you're right." Sighing I sat down and waited, getting sick of this. Why couldn't we just leave and come back later? I mean, sure, torturing hat-boy was fun, but it wasn't fun enough that I wanted to waste a good ten minutes of my life waiting for his friend to leave and depriving others of being able to stare at the sexy Fox body. "He's leaving," Collin whispered in that oh-so-scary yet oh-so-sexy voice of his, looking like he was about ready to pounce and kill someone. I'd offer myself for pouncing if only I could be guaranteed he wasn't going to rip me limb for limb.

            As we moved our camping spot from that of the hallway to that of the poor boy's door (signs of Collin's and my previous visits still decorating its outer surface) Collin turned to face me, that LOOK on his face just screaming that I was about to be ordered to do something cruel…bordering on evil even. "Get that note he left. Hat-boy can have no comfort in his torture," he demanded, pointing underneath the doorway. Blinking I raised an eyebrow. He HAD to be kidding me.

            "Come on Boss, do we really have to be THAT evil to the guy?" A single raised eyebrow was my only response and carefully I fished a pen out of my pocket, actually surprised I had one. Normally I didn't carry one so I had an excuse to talk to the hot chicks in front of me first period. "This is a lot harder than you'd think, I think he actually slid the thing under here far enough that I can't get it," I managed, pressing my cheek to the cold floor so I could almost see under the door.

            "Come on, he has to come back some time, you know," Collin offered in 'reassurance' as I slid my pen out carefully and I cheered happily when I finally realized I'd gotten a hold of it, picking it up and handing it to Collin. "Thank you. Now let's see what that friend of his had to say…"

            "You know, I do have things I would rather be doing than reading this guy's note." /One of them going home and continuing with my previous activities/. Collin laughed cruelly and handed the piece of paper back to me. "Are we going to get started now or not?" I asked, folding the piece of paper back up and getting ready to slide the paper back under his door.

            "Oh no, you HAVE to read that. That guy is a TOTAL loser," Collin offered, pulling materials out of his bag. Sighing I unfolded it and read it carefully, raising an eyebrow as I read. I had to admit…that was pretty pathetic. "Here, you're going to need this," Collin offered as he handed me some random tool-thingy I'd never seen before, forcing me to shove the note in my pocket harshly as I grabbed it.

            It was almost a half hour later when we were finished and Collin admired his work from the opposing wall, nodding satisfactorily to himself. Even I had to shudder at the horrors Collin had evoked. Five pairs of pop-singer eyes were all looking at me, looking as evil as evil could get. Sure, I'd ended up wasting a good 10 dollars or so of my own money to get it (Collin hadn't told me what he wanted my money for) but it was worth it in a cruelly satisfying, evil sort of way.

            I had completely forgotten I even had the note until we were back in my room, and I was forced to remove the pen from my pocket in order to write down my newest ideas for the 'list of things I'd love to do to Collin.' Unfolding it I left our room to find Collin watching TV…well, more like sitting on the couch with the TV on, he didn't look like he was actually paying attention to it.

            "Yo, boss, what am I supposed to do with this thing? I forgot I had it on me," I asked as I sat down next to him, pressing it in front of his face. He made a face and pushed my hand away.

            "Just throw it away. What do you want with it?" I shrugged and folded it back up, setting it on the table to be thrown away later. "I thought you'd be off making me lime jello or something by this point, you finally give up?"

            "I figure you're not going to let me do it anyway, so I might as well just hide it from you and leave it all to myself," I managed with a smile, tracing a finger over Collin's bottom lip. As was to be predicted he brushed my hand away, blushing slightly. "Alright then, good luck trying to find it."

            "It has to be in the fridge, I'm not stupid."

            "Unless I'm actually desperate enough to leave it out and let a perfectly large amount of lime jello go to waste." Collin turned to stare at me in disbelief, eyes wide. I smiled to myself evilly. I could see this was going to work perfectly…hopefully…if I was REALLY lucky today.

            "You wouldn't dare. The answer's still no, whether you would or not." He finished firmly, going back to 'watching' TV. Grr, I should have known today wouldn't be my lucky day. Sighing I picked the note back up on my way to the kitchen, meaning to throw it away.

            "Hey, boss, I have a question…" Collin's silence was no more a sign that he was ignoring me than it was that he was paying attention. "If say, for some reason, I wrote you a note like this, would you just throw it away?"

            "Don't be ridiculous," he scoffed from his position on the couch, not moving. I tossed the note into the trashcan before walking back over to the couch, leaning against the back comfortably.

            "Seriously. Say I was actually really shy and wrote you something to tell you how I felt…would you treat it any different than if I were there in front of you?" I leaned forward so I could see Collin's face, enjoying the pretty little blush on his cheeks.

            "Of course not, but this is to some guy we hate so it's funny now," Collin offered in his defense, eyes still focused above the television set. "Where's that jello you made anyway?" he asked suddenly and I blinked, trying to understand where that had come from.

            "That was random."

            "It's called a change of subject, now bring me the jello or we're going to have to continue this almost heart-rending conversation even longer." I sighed and pushed myself away from the couch, sort of glad Collin had thought to change the subject, that was a really stupid thing to be talking about…

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*mock gasp* OH NO! What happened to Cyanide's note! Poor baby! What will he think when Skids doesn't mention it! *evil laughter*

They don't call me Ms. Angst for nothing, although this is only the beginning of my EVIL (that and I'm REALLY rusty)!!! ^_^ I like Collin and Fox enough that I just had to add some 'them' time in there. *hugs Collin* YOU'RE SUCH AN EVIL CUTIE!!!

Yeah…I've never written anything Boy Meets Boy before, this is just a random 'wow, they actually have Boy Meets Boy fanfics, I want to try my hand at one' fanfic I wrote whilst I had nothing better to do. I also haven't READ any Boy Meets Boy fanfics yet so I don't know if this has been done before.

Reviews would be greatly appreciated, although not necessary.


	2. I wasn't expecting this

Disclaimers: It still doesn't belong to me, and be glad that it doesn't…

Notes: Um…more one-sided stuff, although I don't think it'll be very heavy in this chapter.

Told from Skids' and Cyanide's points of view

~something Skids types~

::something Cyanide types::

/thoughts/

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point of view change

~*Little Love Letter*~

            I sighed as I made my way home from the bus stop, feeling a little relieved but at the same time even worse than before. I was a little peeved I didn't have anything to do tomorrow, since chances were my friends were so busy that I would be stuck in my room playing solitaire all day or something. This was getting to be utterly ridiculous, weren't they supposed to be my friends? What sort of friends never spent time with one another?

            I glared as I reached what was once my door, tearing the poster off it quickly. I was NOT in a mood to be messed with by those two jerks. They always seemed to pick my bad days to torture me on. At least that kept me from ruining a good day, just made a bad one worse. Although I hadn't really had any 'good days' recently, so I guess that would explain it. Really, though, you'd think they'd have something better to do than to pick on me all the time. It was just sort of stupid. I mean, I left them alone.

            Opening the door I flipped the lights on, walking over to my computer and slumping into my chair quickly, leaning back as I waited for it to start up. I was exhausted on more than one account, but it didn't take long for me to regain my normal energy when I put my mind to it.

            "Hello," I said to what seemed to be the only friends I really had left. Gunn scratched a leg against his tank and I smiled, waving back at him. At least I had SOME company now…that was better than how it used to be, although even I had to admit that having to substitute spiders for friends was kind of sad and pathetic.

            Sitting up again I logged onto AIM, hoping that maybe someone else would be on and I could distract myself. Distractions were always welcome, no matter what form they came in…well, almost. Hey! Cyanide was on, great! Distraction time spent chatting with friends was ALWAYS a plus.

            ~Hey Cy!~ I was really glad that one of my friends were online, even though there were only three of them. I was especially glad it was Cyanide, I really missed being able to chat with him. I really needed to spend some time with someone that wasn't involved in this whole thing…I wasn't about to drag my best friend into it, after all. He didn't deserve to worry about this, he worried about enough things as was.

            ::;asdfj:: What the…? Was that supposed to mean something or did one of the animals get into his room or something like that? That was always a possibility, you could never really be sure at his house.

            ~Huh?~ I was well aware that I didn't sound very intelligent at the moment, but that wasn't important. Most people didn't think I sounded very intelligent most times, anyway.

            ::Sorry, didn't mean to type that. Surprised.:: Oh, well that explained it. I wouldn't see why he would be surprised, though? I mean, did he not get instant messaged often or something? ::Hi Skids.:: Okay, so he did still remember it was me. I'd had this feeling that he might have forgotten or something.

            ~What's up?~

            ::My house is a living nightmare. I need to get out of here…:: I laughed out loud at that, Cyanide was always complaining about his family. I actually liked them…but then again I didn't have to live with them. I guess it must have been a different story after a year or two.

            ~I'm sorry.~ Things were silent for a while after that, the gentle whirring of the computer the only noise breaking the silence that surrounded me. I really hated quiet…maybe that was part of why I liked Cyanide's family so much. I would never have to be lonely if I had a family like that.

            ::…::

            ~It's been a while.~ There, maybe now we could actually start talking about something. Cyanide's silence was kind of disturbing. I missed hanging out with him, really I did. If we weren't so close he would have been the first person I thought to turn to with my problems, but since I cared about my friends I didn't want to get him involved in this mess. If ever it all got out I hoped he could understand that…

            ::Yeah, it has been:: Hm? Cyanide was responding slower than usual. Normally it only took a few seconds, now it was taking near a full sixty seconds…at least it seemed like it. Maybe it was just me but it seemed like something was wrong, and I wasn't even there…

            ~Something wrong?~

            ::No…tired…::

            ~Then go to sleep. We can chat tomorrow, you know (if you're not busy)~ /Please don't be busy, please don't be busy, please don't be busy/

            ::…alright…mind if I come over?:: What? Cy really wanted to come over without me begging him? Shibby, maybe tomorrow wouldn't suck after all!

            ~Not at all :D~ /I really missed spending time with you./ ~I had nothing better to do anyway.~

            ::Alright then, talk to you tomorrow.::

            ~Later.~

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            I sighed as I logged out of AIM, watching the little screen disappear before leaning back in my chair to stare at the ceiling. I didn't know what I was expecting, but that wasn't it…and I was more hurt by it than I would have thought. He really didn't feel anything for me, what a…letdown was too simple, didn't explain it enough. Soul-shattering experience was more like it…

            I hadn't really been expecting him to announce an undying, secret love for me or anything…but to just be ignored…I hadn't really expected him to keep his mouth shut about it, either. It seemed like a good idea at the time…but I sort of needed some comfort now and there was no one to turn to. Well excluding Mik, the only other person that knew…but that was just sort of…strange, weird, and downright creepy. I guess I'd sort of been hoping that Skids would offer me SOME comfort, but I guess this is exactly what I asked from him, huh?

            Maybe we could work this all out tomorrow…considering HE brought it up. I wasn't about to go and ruin everything…at least I hoped I wouldn't. I could only hope that I didn't make him upset or anything. That would be the worst thing I could do to him…I wouldn't be able to stand that…

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*more evil laughter* I couldn't think of anything else to do with Cyanide so I decided to cut this chapter short so I could post it without dragging it on and ruining what little quality it already has…

Well, well, well, it seems that once again she finished another evil chapter *at least I think it's evil* of Little Love Letter.

All right, all right, I'll admit it, I'm a review addict, they spur my normally resting writing inspiration into motion. I'm not about to go begging, though, that's just stupid of me…


	3. Why am I here?

Disclaimers: Boy Meets Boy still doesn't belong to me, nor do I really wish for it to, since I would screw it up…

Notes: Told from Cyanide's and Collin's point of view

~*Little Love Letter*~

            I sighed as I reached a hand out to grasp my bedroom door handle, trying to think of a good excuse why NOT to go over to Skids' house today. Maybe I could not feel well, or my sisters could make me take them out to the mall, or…I could stop being such a wuss and just go over there. I hadn't wanted to lose my friend, why was I letting this ruin the friendship we'd shared for over nine years now? I had been afraid Skids would grow distant from me, but now I realized I was the one growing distant from Skids…that, at least, I could control.

            Tightening my hold on the door handle I made up my mind. I couldn't let things stay like this, pulling Skids and me apart…as friends, of course. He was my best friend; I was NOT going to let this come between our friendship. It was all I really had left now, after all. I would have no one to blame but myself if Skids and I stopped being friends. Besides, Skids was fairly good at catching me in my lies…whenever it came to avoiding people, at least. It just wasn't worth the trouble to ACTUALLY take my sisters to the mall.

            Surprisingly they all pretty much left me alone as I left, and I was sort of surprised. It being a weekend and a generally shitty day outside, I would have figured they would have wanted me to drive them somewhere. Instead they continued about playing with their toys as if I didn't even exist, which was all right by me.

Opening the door outside I was not at all comforted by the faint roll of thunder I heard off in the distance. Great, just what I DIDN'T need! For a split second I almost considered using that as my excuse for getting out of seeing Skids, but it was gone almost as soon as it came. I could just hope it didn't start raining until I got to Skids'. My day was bound to suck enough as it was.

            As was my luck I wasn't very far from Skids' house when it started to rain, but it was a hard rain. I could at least take comfort that some people, Faith being foremost in my mind, weren't around to tell me I was attracting lightning wherever I walked. I was almost completely soaked when I reached Skids' place, and I pushed my hair back from where it had fallen in my eyes and stuck to my wet forehead. Sometimes I really hated the rain, today being one of those times.

            Skids blinked as he opened the doorway, looking completely clueless for a few moments before finally shaking his head and smiling.

            "I was starting to think you weren't going to come. It finally started raining, huh?" He teased as I walked inside, shutting the door behind me as if I wasn't in an obviously foul mood. "Thanks for coming over, though, you know I get really lonely sometimes."

            "Yeah, sorry about that," I offered in apology, removing my soaked jacket and setting it on top of my bag. "I hate it when my hair's wet," I whined, pissed off that I was going to have to deal with it the rest of the day. Skid just laughed and sat down on the edge of his bed; at least he was having fun…

            "It can't be that bad. So, what do you want to do today, since we can't really go anywhere," he changed the subject, motioning for me to sit down as well. I sighed and sat down next to him, leaning back on the palms of my hands and staring up at the ceiling. This was…easier, I guess, than I thought it would be. I wasn't as uneasy as I would have thought. I jumped as something on Skids' dresser moved, noticing the spiders crawling around up there. I hated those things…

            "I don't know, really. I was kind of thinking that you'd have some sort of an idea." I hadn't really planned ahead at all, really. I was just stopping by to hang out; we really didn't have to do anything. This was actually kind of nice, just sitting here, although I wasn't sure how quickly I would get bored of it.

            I continued to brush bangs back from my face as the silence stretched, eventually growing even more and more uncomfortable. And to think that I had started out enjoying this. However, as it stretched on more and more unnerving thoughts started to float into my head.

            /Why doesn't he like me? Did he even read it all? Is he just being shy? Are you imagining all this? Is he as uncomfortable as I am? Did he know to start with? Why isn't this bugging him?/

            "You know, I have a hair-dryer if it really bugs you that much," Skids offered after a while, surprising me. I guess I'd been expecting the silence would stretch on forever. I nodded slightly and stood up, walking into his bathroom and grabbing the hairdryer, plugging it in harshly. I didn't think he had any hair spray or anything, so it was going to have to stay down, but dry was better than nothing.

            When finally I was happy with the state of my hair I sighed and glared at myself in the mirror, leaving the hair-dryer on so Skids wasn't aware I was stalling for time. This was stupid; I shouldn't be here, not right now. I was already upset enough what with the whole Ronnie thing and now with Skids…but I was here now and slowly it was eating away at my sanity. There had to be something seriously wrong with me, how else could I explain it?

            After a few minutes the whirring sound grated on my nerves even more than silence and I shut it off, feeling the lack of warmth against my skin almost immediately. Sighing I unplugged it and put it away, collecting my thoughts as best I could before opening the door and walking back over to where Skids was now lying down, staring at the ceiling with a magazine open over his chest. This was stupid…it was stupid of me to come over, to even leave that damn note in the first place.

            "Hey, Skids…" I'd been fully meaning to leave that very moment…to come back when I was feeling better, but Skids spoke up before I could finish.

            "Ever been so busy running from something that you make yourself feel even worse than you would if you stopped running and faced up it?" I sighed again and sat down next to him, not willing to leave my friend when he was obviously upset.

            "Yeah…I know the feeling." Skids smiled slightly and looked over at me, sighing before sitting back up. "So why are you so upset?" I had a fairly good idea I knew what was bothering him, but I wasn't going to assume. I wasn't the only person in his life, and obviously he didn't care about me the same way I cared about him…maybe this hadn't really affected him all that much,

            "Hm? No reason, I was just thinking. I was talking to this guy online before you came over; he was talking about a bunch of stuff like that. I don't know, guess it's a bad thing to think about while you're waiting for a friend to come over, huh? Sorry for mentioning it. I just figured you might understand…"

            "Understand what? You said there wasn't a problem…"

            "Not really…not anything I want to talk about anyway…just kind of felt the need to say something…" Almost unconsciously I reached out to wrap and arm around Skids' shoulders, feeling his head on my shoulder almost immediately. "I'm glad I have friends like you…although I wish you'd stop by more often. Internet is alright sometimes…but I'd prefer to talk to my real friends."

            "I'll try and stop by more often, then." It was a lie, and I knew it, but I promised myself that I would try to stop by every once in a while despite the pain it caused. I could live with it if it made Skids feel better…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            "You're pouting," I observed as I walked into the living room to grab a paper I'd been meaning to proofread for class. Fox just turned around to glare at me over the back of the couch.

            "I'm not pouting. Just because I'm quiet doesn't mean I'm upset." I shook my head and walked over to the couch, leaning against it casually.

            "I'm smarter than that, I wasn't just talking about the fact that you were quiet." Even I was smart enough to tell when my best friend was upset. I said best friend because it wasn't a dating thing…I'd been able to do this for as long as I could remember.

            "Why would I be?" I shrugged and reached over to place my paper on the table. This wasn't going to go anywhere until I finally guessed what it was Fox was thinking about. He sure as hell didn't seem like he was going to tell me.

            "Are you mad at me?"

            "Why in the world would I be mad at you?" I shrugged again, decided I was sick of the motion, and settled on giving him a strange look instead.

            "I don't know. Why don't you tell me?" Fox just rolled his eyes and turned to actually sit facing me on the couch, sitting on his knees. Normally I would tell him to stop that before he broke it but I didn't feel like it at the moment. Too lazy.

            "There's nothing to tell." I didn't believe that for an instant. Any moment Fox spent watching TV instead of flirting with me was a sure sign that he was preoccupied with something. Homework, school, playing solitaire on the computer…watching TV by himself was a definite signal, though.

            "Are you still upset about that stupid letter?" I remembered vaguely the small argument Fox and I had over that stupid letter. If I didn't know better I would have said that he felt bad about doing it, but I really didn't care. I mean, we've done worse before…in my opinion at least…

            "I wasn't upset about that stupid letter to start with…" It only took a few seconds for Fox to give up; sighing and brushing bangs back from his eyes. "Okay, so maybe I am a little upset about it." I smiled a little bit at my victory but I was still a little upset myself, since Fox must have been mad that I made him do something that he thought was so cruel.

            "I don't see why…"

            "It's just…that would make me feel so bad if I was in his position, knowing I poured my heart out to the person I love and instead two jerks got it instead. He probably thinks his friend just doesn't like him…I would really hate to be in his position…"

            "Fox…think about hat-boy's personality for a while, he probably wouldn't have read it all anyway." This was stupid. This was incredibly stupid…so why was it starting to bother me even the tiniest bit. I didn't really care about this other guy, and definitely not about hat-boy.

            "And if he did…"

            "Look, what will make you feel better and forget about this stupid letter? I'm not sorry about the whole letter thing, but I AM sorry I made you upset, all right?" Fox just looked at me strangely for a while before smiling and pressing a finger to his lips. Even I wasn't relationship-ly stupid enough not to know what he wanted. "Be serious," I demanded as I felt my cheeks heat up slightly.

            "I am being serious. It'll make me feel better," he offered with that sexy smile of his, leaning forward slightly. It was really strange…being actually kind of attracted to Fox. I definitely hadn't thought Fox would be the first person to actually take me out on a date. I mean, I didn't even like girls…let alone boys.

            "Fine, but only because I'm your friend and I want you to feel better. You know this shit makes me feel funny…" a single finger was placed between us as I leaned forward, and I blinked as Fox stared back at me from only a few inches away, feeling my cheeks grow even hotter.

            "Don't kiss me as your friend, that'll just make us both feel bad…at least I'LL feel bad…about it later. Kiss me as my…boyfriend, I guess…that just sounds so strange coming from me, huh?"

            "Why…you never do this before, either?" I was well aware of Fox's finger on my lips as I spoke, and it felt so very awkward…it was kind of freaky, almost.

            "Nope. You're the only guy. Feel special?" I smiled ever so slightly and brushed Fox's hand away, leaning forward to kiss him quickly. Afterwards he smiled and took my hand in his, making me feel kind of uneasy all of a sudden. "I feel better now," he offered, letting go of my hand as I grabbed my paper and headed back to my room.

            I didn't know why but I always felt so strange when I was around Fox as of late. I couldn't even begin to explain why…it had all started when we started dating. I figured that uneasy feeling I'd been having since the whole gay thing would go away after that, but instead it turned into something else. Maybe it was just because I was afraid of making myself look like an idiot around Fox, who'd done these sorts of things before. He really was a nice person once you got down to it, but I was a jerk no matter which way you looked at it. Sure, I had my nice moments, but Fox had his cruel moments as well.

            "Hey, what's that?" I jumped as I felt Fox tugging on the pages I was holding in my hand. "Let me see it," he practically begged, leaning over to read over my shoulder. "People I care about…why are you writing a paper about that sort of stuff?" I would have pulled the papers away from him if I weren't so afraid that they'd rip. I really didn't want to take the time to print them out again just so I could edit, fix, and reprint them.

            "Because. I really don't know, either…just let go." Fox just leaned in closer until I could feel his bangs against my cheek, which was burning up by this point. Sometimes Fox could be really embarrassing. I heard Fox laugh softly as he let go, but it wasn't a cruel sort of laugh like mine normally was…he actually sounded happy.

            "You actually wrote about me, I feel honored." I allowed myself a tiny smile as Fox leaned forward to kiss my cheek softly. "You can go back to work now, I won't bother you." I nodded and left, stopping at the door.

            "If you ever feel bad about something like that again…tell me. I don't like seeing you sad, alright?" I practically demanded, closing the door behind me before he could answer. I really didn't want to hear his answer at the moment…he'd be lying if he said 'okay,' anyway.

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YIP! Yet another chapter done and ready to be posted and ignored. Oh well, I enjoy getting these ideas out of my dreams and onto virtual paper.

-_- I hate the way Collin turned out but I just can't seem to find out exactly WHAT is wrong with it, so I can't really go back and fix it.

Reviews would be greatly greatly greatly appreciated…


	4. So long as you're happy

Disclaimers: Still not mine. Still don't wish it were. Just wanna own Cyanide, Collin, Fox, and Skids. That would be VERY nice.

Notes: Told through Cyanide's point of view.

/Thoughts/

'Other side of the phone'

~*Little Love Letter*~

            I sighed as I stared up at the ceiling, waiting for anything…ANYTHING that resembled sane human contact. Even my sisters were being calm and normal at the moment, but that was all right. I wasn't about to go down there and demand they be annoying or anything. Peace and quiet was definitely livable. Only problem was, being alone and bored out of your mind wasn't exactly the most entertaining of activities.

            I answered the phone happily as it rang, hoping that maybe there would actually be something to do today. I had considered calling Skids up but ever since last time I had problems even picking up the phone to call him. Things were just getting worse and worse between us. I couldn't I say I hadn't been expecting it, though. That's why I'd been so afraid to mention it in the first place.

            "Hello?" I asked, hoping against hope that maybe 'the group' would be getting together and…I don't know, seeing a movie? Anything was good at the moment. 

            'Hey, Cy?' Great. Skids. Just whom I didn't need to talk to at the moment…but he sounded kind of upset. I couldn't help but wonder at what was wrong with him. If there was something wrong I would be more than happy to help him out, that's what friends were for.

            "What's up?" I asked in a worried tone, genuinely concerned. Skids never sounded upset, no matter what was bothering him. Well…not in the time I had known him anyway. That was a long time, so I was pretty sure he was good at hiding what upset him…even I wasn't stupid enough to think that nothing bothered him. Even he was human, after all.

            'Well, I was wondering if you could come over here for a while. Harley and 'Sheequa are, so…it can be like a big get-together, alright?' 'Get-together?' that just sounded strange…and he was definitely trying to sound cheery. Maybe when I got over there we could deal with this…hopefully. I really wanted to help him out. Not Harley, not 'Sheequa, not this mystery friend, ME.

            "Alright. I'll be over there in a minute." I could feel Skids nod from the other end of the phone and without even saying good-bye with both hung up. Strange. There was a dark sort of atmosphere hanging in my room now. It was almost suffocating…if you could suffocate on a bad feeling, that is. I was starting to get this feeling that you could.

            The walk to Skids' seemed longer than normal, but maybe it was only that I was walking slower than I usually did. However, that bad feeling had followed me the entire time, and my breath was as short as if I'd been running. Was I really letting this come between so much that I was actually this afraid to see him? I was being ridiculous, if this is what it had come to.

            /Come on Cy! There are other people here, it'll be fine!/ I tried to reassure myself, but even before I knocked on the door Skids opened it for me. He looked so…serious. There was definitely something going on. Something I was sure I didn't want to know about, but at the same time I did. I couldn't just let my friend face it by himself, could I?

            "Sorry about lying to you about everyone being here, but…I didn't think you'd come any other way," Skids offered as he shut the door behind me. When had I come inside? It wasn't anything important, though, I'd probably just been thinking too hard to pay attention to what my body was doing. If I didn't stop that I might get in big trouble... "I mean…it's like you've been avoiding me recently, you know?"

            "I'm sorry, but…I'm just a little confused." Skids nodded slightly, looking pale as he walked around the room, moving things and looking like a general wreck. "Just tell me what's wrong. You look so…depressed." Skids stopped in his movements suddenly and took a deep breath, walking over to sit down next to me on his bed. I felt his hand cover mine slightly and my cheeks grew hot almost immediately. This wasn't what I'd been expecting at all.

            "Um…well. We found out today, from the specialist we sent you to…" Specialist? What specialist? This wasn't making sense… "It was when you fainted the other day during practice, you wouldn't remember it." Fainted? Oh, that was right…there had been a time not too long ago that had happened. I'd almost completely forgotten about it. "He…well…" Skids hand was tightening around mine as he spoke, but for some reason my brain just couldn't put two and two together. I jumped as something splashed against my hand, catching sight of the trail of a single tear on Skids' cheek before he wiped it away harshly. Why…why was Skids crying all of a sudden?

            "I don't want you to die!" He screamed suddenly, and I could do nothing more than sit in stunned silence as Skids hugged me tightly, burying his face in my shirt and trying his hardest to keep from crying. I could feel him shaking, though, and slowly I wrapped my arms around him, feeling the need to comfort him. I should have been the one needing comfort at the moment, but this felt just fine as it was… "You're one of my best friends, you can't leave me. That's just not shibby." How many times had I dreamt of holding him like this in different situations? I couldn't quite be happy anymore, though. I was too scared…

            "Come on, what proof is there? I fainted once, what's the big deal, huh? Come on, this guy probably just wants to rake in the money from us," I attempted with a pathetic and faltering smile, but to tell the truth I wasn't so sure of myself, either. I'd been feeling rather strange recently, and everyone had seemed to act so differently around me as of late. I couldn't help but wonder if my sisters knew, and that was why they were so quiet nowadays. That would explain it…

            "There are other things, too, you know. It's just…I don't want to think about it right now." I nodded slowly, understanding the feeling. I didn't really want to think about these sorts of things right now either; it scared me more than I'd ever let Skids see.

"I'd better be going then. I…guess I'll see you around," I offered pathetically, moving my hands to rest on Skids' shoulders. This wasn't anything like what I'd expected at all, but that feeling of dread was now laughing at me for ignoring it, growing thicker by the second.

"Stay over tonight…please?" Skids almost demanded, tightening his hold on me. I nodded slowly and let go of him, meaning to slide down and sleep on the floor as was normal. Skids pushed me down on his bed instead, however, catching me slightly off-guard. "You can have my bed tonight I…I'll be fine on the floor." I just nodded slowly, feeling the heat rise up to my cheeks as I grew increasingly aware of Skids' hands on my shoulders, his pretty eyes staring into mine, so full of sadness. I felt so horrible knowing that I was the cause of his distress, and it took me forever to get to sleep that night.

            "Cy! Cy, come on, wake up already!" I blinked and opened my eyes slowly, glancing up into the worried eyes of my friend. Everything was way too white here...had I fainted again? Dammit, that had been happening way too frequently as of late. I was starting to get worried, although that wasn't to say that I had been perfectly calm to start with. It was hard to think of a time where I wasn't more than a little bit paranoid, where the slightest headache made me edgy. It was so damn annoying. It was sure to be an inconvenience to the band, too, but Harley had said they'd keep me as long as they could. I was glad for that, I didn't want to have to stop playing for anything…short of Skids, of course. I'd do anything for him.

            "Hey." Skids smiled happily and took one of my hands in his, holding onto me tightly. He still looked so scared, though…he always looked scared or sad nowadays, that was the worst part about it, knowing how much I was upsetting my friends…Skids especially. "Everyone's always so edgy recently, it's depressing." Skids just nodded his head slightly and sighed. My friends were always so worried about me, I felt so loved... However, there was still something had been bugging me ever since I'd found out about this whole thing… "Hey Skids, did you not want to go out with me because of all this…or do you really not like me. I…I just have to know, whatever the answer is. I can't…die…uncertain." I held tighter to Skids hand as I spoke, biting my lip as I waited. I hated even thinking about what would happen to him after I died.

            "What do you think? There's nothing not to like about you…although you can be a little depressing sometimes." I smiled at that, glad to know that Skids really did love me. That was a better feeling than anything else…at least now when I died I could die happy…somewhat. I still had to face the reality that I was responsible for that sad look in Skids' eyes. "I really wish things could have been different, you know. Everyone thinks we'd be cute together…except maybe Harley," he offered with a laugh, leaning closer to me with every word he spoke. "And don't say that word. It scares me…" I could only just feel his lips against mine before the whole moment was shattered in a second by a piercing scream, pulling me away from that bitter-sweet experience.~~~~~

            I sat up quickly as my alarm went off, turning to glare at my alarm clock as it continued to ring in the background. That had been one of the single scariest moments of my short-lived dream-life. Realistic dreams really sucked sometimes…this time being one of them. Some people say that dreams are symbolic, but I sure as hell hoped not. I didn't want to die.

            Although, maybe this was my sign to stop avoiding Skids, although there really was no way to be sure. All those people that 'analyzed' dreams could just be crazy for all I knew or cared. I could try going over there if I really wanted to find out, but that was way too hard. I was still having problems with this thing; I couldn't pretend that it didn't hurt me. Every day I had to wonder if Skids was upset about this, too. He sure as hell didn't seem like he was.

            I sighed as the phone rang, trying to decide whether I should answer it or not. I really didn't want to, especially if it was Skids. Things were just not going my way in life, it seemed. Screw the bad day, bad week, bad month excuses; it was straight to the bad life excuse this time. If it were him, I'd just make up an excuse not to go over there. It had only been a day or two since last I'd visited so it wasn't like I'd broken my promise yet…although the fact that I was planning on it was bad enough.

After the first few rings, however, I gave up and got up, shivering as the blankets were removed and I was suddenly hit with the cold air of my bedroom full-blast.

"Hello?" I asked as I picked up the phone, plugging my other ear so I could actually hear over the noise in my house. I really hated this…at least our phone volume was pretty high. That was the only comfort I got when a friend called, really it was.

            'Hey Cy, what's up?' I should have known. Skids was one of the only people to call me as of late, but that was all right…I guess. It would have been okay had I not been so damn confused at the moment. I really wished I hadn't left that damn note, now that I thought back on it; it had been a stupid idea in the first place. 'Cy?' Huh? Oh, yeah…I was supposed to be talking…

            "Sorry. Some-old, same-old. How about you?" Okay, so I was lying, but Skids didn't have to know that. It wasn't anything important anyway; I'd only had a really freaky dream that morning and was still afraid to be alone in the same room with him, nothing important. Well…more fidgety and nervous than afraid, but that wasn't an important detail.

            'Same. Things around here are always so boring. Want to meet me somewhere and hang out? You promised you'd stop by more often, so we'll negotiate this time and go out somewhere, deal?' Guilt, always a bitch. I should have just kept my mouth shut back then so I wouldn't have to worry about breaking my promise. Now it hung over my head every time I thought of calling Skids and chickened out. Every time he asked me to go somewhere and I said no…which hadn't happened yet, for obvious guilt reasons.

            "Sure." I really should have said no. I should have lied and said I had something to do. I shouldn't have agreed to that, I should have stayed home. Stupid, stupid, stupid Cyanide. I really should start thinking before I act, really I should. I could have avoided so many accidents that way…writing him that stupid letter being foremost in my mind.

            'Great! Do you want to meet up at my place and leave or just meet up there? It's not supposed to rain today,' he offered in reassurance. I guess it was slightly reassuring in an 'at least he's trying' sort of way, if nothing else.

            "I don't really care." I could hear Skids laughing from the other side of the phone, even over the screaming of my sisters in the background. Well, I was glad he was happy (Really, I was). Or that he could at least pretend to be happy if nothing else. I would kill for his coping skills. Mine were slim to non and everyone knew it.

            'All right then, new compromise: I'll go over there and then we can leave, that okay?' I nodded in agreement, before finally realizing I had to speak and agreed verbally. We both said our goodbyes not too long afterwards and hung up the phone. Great…yet another doubt-filled day with Skids. I really shouldn't have agreed to this…

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WHEE! Another chapter! I dunno why but this story is a lot easier for me to write than my other stories. Maybe because I didn't leave it and just pick it back up again *thinks* Yeah, that might be the reason.

Well…at least we're getting somewhere with the plot…maybe. I'm so glad Katie helped me get off my lazy bum and write the dream sequence (although unknowingly) so I could finish off this chapter. Love ya girl ^_~

Reviews help feed my ever-deflating ego…


	5. And the truth comes out

Disclaimers: I'm sure everyone has figured out that it doesn't belong to me by now

Notes: Told from Fox's and Skids' points of views

/Thoughts/

~Reading something~

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point of view change

~*Little Love Letter*~

            I yawned as I finally crossed the line into consciousness, having drifted halfway between sleep and awake for what seemed like forever now. I probably should have woken myself up a while ago, but I really hadn't had the energy to do such. Besides, it wasn't like I had anything better to do. I winced as I sat up, both hearing and feeling my back crack. That couldn't be a good sign.

            I blinked as I noticed the dirty-blonde head resting on my mattress. I smiled slightly and rested a hand on his head, feeling a little bit better about waking up now. Smiling I leaned down to press my forehead to the top of his head.

            "I guess this proves even you're human, huh?" Collin reached up to bat my hand away in irritation, grumbling and burying his face deeper into the covers. I laughed and sat back up. He was so cute when you woke him up…sometimes. So long as he wasn't feeling particularly sleep-deprived it was amusing. If he was still tired he'd kill you without feeling a shred of remorse.

            "Of course I'm human, what the hell else would I be?" he whined, sitting up. He still looked sort of dazed, but it was cute. I wouldn't dare tell him that, but I could very well think it to myself. He wouldn't have to know anything about it. "Here," I blinked as a small piece of paper was pushed towards me on the bed, a small blush creeping up on Collin's face.

            Blinking I picked it up to glace at the bent corners, and the generally bad-shape of it. "You've been quiet ever since we took the damn thing, so…I figured maybe you'd stop being mad at me if we put it back." I blinked and opened it up carefully. Yep, that old letter. What did it take to make Collin understand I wasn't mad at him?

            "I wasn't mad at you, but I still think we should put it back." Collin just sighed and continued to stare at the floor as if there was something interesting there. Unless something had happened last night I wasn't aware of I was pretty sure there was nothing there worth staring at. "Mm. Thanks for caring, though," I finished with a smile, resting my hand on his head again. I felt like I was belittling him like a little kid, but it was the best I could do at the moment. I couldn't exactly reach over and hug him or anything, he was too far away.

            I was a bit surprised when Collin climbed onto my bed with me, leaning his head against my shoulder. "Uh…are you alright?" This was the first time Collin had actually done anything without me having to bore him or tease him to death first. Maybe things were actually starting to go somewhere. A guy can hope, right? I mean, I really like Collin, but for some reason that seems to escape him even now. It's hard to do much of anything when one of you is way too shy and, well, kind of inexperienced, and the other…well, the Foxman.

            "Yeah, I just thought you were mad at me." I smiled and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, enjoying the feeling. I wish we could do this sort of shit without having to scare him into thinking I was mad at him. I mean, what had given him that idea in the first place? I hadn't thought I acted any differently, especially not towards him if anything.

            "Come on, we'll drop this letter off by his house and then we can go do something, alright? You don't have plans, do you?" Collin shook his head slowly and stood up, raking his hair back with his fingers and sighing. I couldn't hold back a yawn myself as I climbed out of bed, leaving the comforting warmth behind me. Worst part about waking up was actually getting out of bed. Until then your body still holds that vague hope that you might get back to sleep.

            Walking over to my desk I grabbed a pencil as Collin no-doubt headed for the bathroom before me. I might as well make use of this time, right? Although my body was still saying I should just go back to sleep I really didn't want to humor that idea at the moment. Running fingers through my hair I instead settled on writing them both an apology, folding over it so that it wasn't visible until opened. I didn't want Collin making fun of me. Maybe now this guy could end up as lucky as Collin me…or not. Maybe I would just make his life even more miserable, but at least I was trying to do the right thing…that counts for something, right?

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            "Hm. The movie doesn't start for a while so let's just hang around over there," I suggested happily, dragging Cyanide along with me. He hadn't seemed too energetic when I'd gotten over to his house, but that was to be expected. Either I was imagining things or he was starting to grow ever more distant as the days went by…even when he was around he wasn't quite…all there, I guess. I mean, we used to hang out and play around all the time, now even when he was over he was so quiet. What was wrong with him?

            "Alright," he agreed as I turned to head towards a small bench somewhere on the outside of the park I'd spotted. We weren't that far from the theater, so we could stop by here for a while and hang out. Maybe things would be a little better off if I got Cyanide outside and tried to talk with him instead of just my room. Outside was much more…relaxing…than my place.

            "So, what's up?" I asked as we both sat down, leaning back and relaxing. We'd been walking for quite a while now, but that was all right. I actually liked walking. My legs were protesting, though. Cyanide just sighed and shrugged, leaning back to look up at the sky through the trees above us. I was starting to get mad, this was ridiculous. Cyanide was definitely avoiding me; there was no doubt about it in my mind anymore. "Come on, I'm your best friend. Do you think you can't tell me what's wrong?" I was well aware I was being slightly hypocritical, but at least I didn't act like this around my friends. If I did I would expect them to do the same thing I was doing. At least…I would expect it if they were my close friends.

            "I already did. Can we talk about something else…please?" I sighed and nodded. I really didn't want to change the subject, but I was well aware that Cy wasn't going to tell me if I demanded it from him. I really couldn't think of what in the world he could be so upset about, but he said he'd already told me. Was he still upset about the whole Ronnie thing? That was the only explanation I could come up with, really.

            "Alright then, what do you want to talk about?" Again Cyanide shrugged. I would have given up at that point had he not been my best friend. You got used to these sorts of things after a while, you know? Cyanide's always been kind of stubborn when he's upset. You just have to stick it through and try your best to help your friends when they're upset, though…even if they won't tell you exactly WHY they're upset.

            However, while trying to think of something to say the silence stretched on even more and more uncomfortably. This was pathetic. Really, it was. Since when were best friends afraid to talk to one another? But here I was, sitting next to my best friend and completely at a loss for words. Had we really grown so far apart? I really hoped not, that would be absolutely horrible!

            Cyanide blinked after a while and looked over at me, sitting up again. A small breeze blew past softly and I sighed into it, watching as Cy's hair blew with it gently (he'd been forced to leave it down since we were in such a rush). It was funny the things you noticed when you were bored, really it was.

            "Come on, please tell me what's bothering you. Are you still upset about the whole Ronnie thing?" I asked after a while, growing sick of the long moments of silence that were slowly becoming normal between us. This was just stupid, if nothing else. A single eyebrow rose in question as I finished speaking. I had this slight feeling I was wrong...

            "Come on, please don't do this to me…you know what I'm talking about," he managed softly, cheeks turning slightly red. What in the world? I had no idea what he was talking about if it wasn't Ronnie. My confusion must have shown on my face because Cyanide sighed and ran fingers through his hair in agitation. "That stupid letter I wrote you. I know you read it..." Letter? What letter? There was a letter I was supposed to read? When had this happened?

            "What letter? Cy, you're not making any sense. I don't know anything about any sort of letter. Just tell me what's wrong already, whatever was in that letter. It can't be that stupid if it has you this upset...I'm worried about you." Cyanide's eyes grew wide suddenly and he blushed deeper, staring at me for a while before turning away and staring at the ground. What in the world…? "Come on. I don't want to loose my best friend over some letter."

            "Neither do I, so just forget it. It's better left forgotten anyway. I never really wanted you to read it. That's what had me so worried." Why would he write me something if I wasn't supposed to read it? He wasn't making sense anymore…to tell the truth he hadn't made sense ever since we started this conversation…

            "Were you mad at me? Are you STILL mad at me?" Cyanide shook his head and sighed again, finger tapping against the bench to some rhythm. I noticed that was something he started doing when he was thinking about something. "Tell me what was in that letter already, we're best friends. If you're not mad at me then tell me what's wrong." Cyanide's finger stopped tapping and he leaned back against the bench, staring back up at the sky like he'd been doing earlier. "Cy…?"

            "Are you sure you really want to know?" I nodded slowly, hoping I didn't regret this. Was I in trouble? Was Cyanide in trouble? I really hoped not… "I like you…a lot. Happy now?"

            "Shit." Immediately my hands flew to cover my mouth, regretting that I'd said that out loud. What kind of an inconsiderate jerk was I? I was supposed to be Cyanide's friend. "I'm sorry Cy, that was stupid. I'll bet that wasn't what you were hoping to hear, but…" I let my sentence hang, I couldn't think of how to finish it. Silence stretched between us again and Cyanide sighed, closing his eyes slowly. "I thought you were the hetero one…"

"So did I."

"I'm really sorry about how I reacted…I wasn't thinking...." I reached out an arm to hold and comfort him but pulled back almost as soon as I touched the fabric of his shirt. That was…cruel of me. There would be more pain involved than comfort if I did that. Cyanide liked me, and I didn't like him like that…I just felt so horrible. I'd been leading him on for so long…

            "Don't worry about it. I wasn't EXPECTING much more than that, so it's alright." What the…how could I not worry? "I mean, I've already had my heart broken once…not like I can get much worse off now, huh?" With that he stood up slowly, leaving me to myself as he left, too mad at myself to follow him. This was not turning into a good day.

            "Well…at least that explains why he's been avoiding you," I said aloud, not caring if the people hanging around thought I was crazy. I should have figured that out by myself. Stupid Skids! And to make things worse, all this time I'd been flirting with him! I was such a jerk! A HUGE jerk! Not to mention stupid. Now that I thought back on it, it was so very easy to see. However, everything's easier to see when you're looking for it...

            I couldn't help but wonder how long Cyanide had felt this way. How far back it went. How long he'd felt that I didn't care about him because of that letter. That stupid little letter. He was sure to be in so much pain…and it was all my fault. And I thought it had hurt when he'd started dating Ronnie…or when Mik and Harley met each other. I'd never been turned down to my face before; I hadn't a clue how he was feeling…

            Those were the only things I could think of as I walked back 'home,' dragging my feet the entire way, wandering here and there absently. It was already starting to get dark by the time I returned, mentally and physically exhausted. This changed everything; I could see why Cyanide hadn't wanted to tell me. I was such a moron…and I'd had myself believing I was smart there for a moment or two.

            I blinked as I opened the door, hearing something crinkle beneath my feet. I knew I hadn't left anything near the doorway…I'd actually cleaned recently. Leaning over I picked it up, unfolding it slowly and blinking at the words written on the outside of the inside…if that made sense.

            ~Sorry about all this mess, I didn't mean to take this from you. It sort of happened by accident more than anything (I won't blame you if you don't believe me but it's the truth). I guess…well, just sorry. Got northing else to say. Hope things turn out alright (Yeah, I admit I read it)…

            Foxman~

            Blinking I opened it up to find a page full of Cyanide's handwriting, clenching my hands around it tightly as the letters formed words. So that's what had happened to it. Those two jerks had taken it last time they'd decided to pick on me…at least one of them had morals enough to return it, so I could take a little bit of comfort in the fact that they were human. Well…one of them was human. I could never be so sure about the other one.

            Sitting down I turned on the lamp that was currently sitting on my desk and started to read, getting this feeling I would regret it later, but wanting to know the answers to my questions…

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Whee! Done, finally! I have so many other fics to write on at the moment, but I can't really bring myself to pick them back up until I finish this one. I actually like where this one is going (still, after 5 chapters, I'm kinda proud of it…which is a good thing)

Reviews would be muchly appreciated, but I'm not yet desperate enough to beg for them…


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